Heavy Breathing, Amazon.com

So it was a great day for phone at work the other day. I had a customer call in who wanted something done so I pull up her information in the computer system and begin helping her... comic gold ensues.

Me: "Sorry the computer is taking a bit long to access your information, I guess it doesn't like you." (Common lame joke/icebreaker used on a daily basis to offset the aggravation that our systems at work were made in 197fucking5)

Customer: (laughs) "Well I tell you what, if I was there, well I would just SPANK that computer, I would SPANK it."

Me: (Wait... you're shitting me right?) "Well miss, I'm not sure if that would necessarily have the desired effect" (Read: "We got a live one, let's just see where this is gonna go shall we?")

Customer: "Well I guess it works better in some situations than others I guess."

Me: "That's for sure."

Every once in a while, I do love my job. Keep in mind while I'm talking to this woman I have one of my funnier co-workers standing next to me completely LOSING it over the fact that this woman's birthday in the system and her fiance's birthday are roughly 20 years apart... no typo.


Dude seriously, stop saying that shit in your rhymes, the more you say it the more people wonder. When you watch the First 48 and the dude didn't kill the guy he says "Yeah I knew him, but I don't know what you're talking about," not "I didn't do it." Comprende?

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Format for this post totally bitten from Hrbek, his blog makes your blog feel deeply flawed and inadequate... Sorry, thought you knew.

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This thing about putting TV shows on DVD has officially gone too fucking far. Just warning you all, if you start seeing the Big Bang Theory box set, don't cut me off in traffic because I'm hording guns, as the rapture is clearly coming.

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This is hilarious. For those of you not familiar with Kyle Farnsworth he was a long time middle reliever for the Chicago Cubs who, last time I heard, was with the Yankees. Basically he throws nothing but heat with zero to little movement on it. He also has a slider that finds the backstop pretty much every other time he throws it. I have a friend who used to work for the local ESPN radio affiliate who can attest to the fact that Kyle believes a balanced breakfast includes cereal, a serving of fruit, and a couple of grams of cocaine.

Today's Lesson: Client calls > Box of chocolates