Baby at a ballgame...

One question... Why?

What would ever possess someone to take a baby to a ballgame? The kid isn't going to remember the game. The kid is too young to have the cognitive ability to have any real rooting interest, except maybe to hate Duke, a tendency which is born into all of us and can only be brainwashed out later in life. The best part is you have to lug the kid around the arena/stadium/Wrigley Field what have you.

This can't end well, it can only end okay.

Best case scenario the baby is quiet, doesn't soil his/herself and you only have to carry the baby around a crowded ballpark.

Worst case scenario, the kid has to be changed three times in a nine inning ballgame, 5 innings of which are spent bawling his or her lungs out and seriously ruining the good time of people around you.


High School kids need money to buy pot.

Grandparents need something to do on a Sunday afternoon.

This is a completely unecessary risk.

I have nothing against kids, the majority of them are very cute and only a few of them are assholes (and yes a kid can be an asshole, if you're reading this saying "it's just a phase" or "Jimmy just screams all the time and doesn't share because he doesn't know any better" guess what, your kid is an asshole). But a kid under the age of 4 has no place at a ballgame.

Which brings me to my next point...

If you have a kid between the ages of 4 and 14 and you do take him/her to a ballgame know what you're getting yourself into. If you don't want little Timmy (you wouldn't want take Jimmy, he's an asshole) to see loud drunken people and hear colorful language, don't take him to the game.

Guess what? It's not about "I paid (insert obscene monetary figure here) for this seat and I have a right to get hammered and cuss out J.J. Hardy." That's an ignorant argument, you're right, but it's not about that. It's simple; realize where you're going. If you're going to a ballgame there are going to be drunk people there acting in a less than civilized manner, depending on where the game is there may be quite a few. Don't act all suprised and shocked or shoot dirty looks when you go to the game with Timmy and the guy next to you is piss drunk and advises every player on the opposing team to "GO FUCK YOURSELF!" everytime they come to the plate.

That would be like getting saying "Hey I got an idea, let's have a knife fight," and then getting pissed when some dude stabs you.

I know this may come as a shock to some people but 99.9% of the people (unless you're at a Blue Jays game then it's 91%... Canadians usually prefer hockey) aren't thinking about whether or not they're being a good influence on your child.

Today's lesson: Don't bring your beeper to church and don't bring your wedding dress to a tomato fight.